Name: Nadia
Site: Nadia-xx
Review completed on: 25/08/06

SPLASH PAGE

This is Ground Control to Major Tom, you really haven't made the grade! Since you're on Piczo and therefore oblivious to the genius that is David Bowie, the above play on words would have meant nothing to you. Let's start again.

Dear Lord, what haveth thou done? Am I on planet Earth here or what? What is going on? I'm failing to paint a picture with words here so I'll just include the picture:

I'm speechless. Really, I am.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

I see you've been consistant by opting for the "make sure no one can see the text" getup, funny that. It amuses me and entertains me, in the same way that it entertains me when I see someone treading in canine fecal matter. Another graphic:

LAYOUT

Pink stripes I can handle. Text that is what, negative 1,000,000 font size and littered with squares I cannot handle. Furthermore, what's with like, using only one eighth of the page? At least you've included a banner with the word "Epilepsy", on it in the top left corner, I can't even begin to tell you how fitting this word is to me right now. I am pained, Nadia. Pained, and discombobulated. Yet happy I can use that word, as it makes me feel good. No, not in my nether regions. I don't think you'd understand. What is this shit all about?

What are you playing at?

CONTENT

Info

Can't read the text, it's too small. Sorry. It's probably incomprehensible anyway. I managed to make out that your 'layout' (stolen graphic of an animated milkshake) is called "Slurpi", and features "Mr Slurpi". So, you're six? Seven?

Sign

Ah yes, a guestbook. I'd forgotten that Piczo sites revolved around guestbook signages.

She

Congratulations, I've just blown a fuse. FOR FUCKS' SAKE!!! What the bloody hell have you done???!!!??! Why can't I read anything? How the hell have you made it so that even when I try and select the text, I cannot see anything. Safari - check. Firefox - check. Opera - check. MY GOD! This is simply abysmal, and has to be a joke. My head is spinning, saliva is bubbling, eyes are bloodshot. Why me? Here is photographic evidence of what you did to my temperament:

See the grey? Yes, the colour that represents my permanent outlook on life. The grey is the colour when I tried to select the text here to read it. Normally Safari selects the text in blue, as I have chosen that colour, but obviously my faithful browser had had enough also. Funny! How are people supposed to read about you if they can't see the bleedin' text?! And what's with the "Be Retro" twaddle? I'll be whatever I want to be, thank you, I do not need a Piczo user demanding I conform to a certain trend. Better recognise, keep it together baby don't even try to organise...

ETC

Can't / won't / don't want to read the page. In case anyone thinks I'm being lazy, take a look for yourself:

Pictures

This page was my favourite. There was no text. Thank you Nadia. No really, thank you. I needed a reprieve.

Plugboard

A plugboard. Thanks for the 'no text thing' here too. Someones flooded your plug board by the way.

Now

A page containing information as to what you were doing "Now", now being July 5th, 2006. Well, at least you got the year right. Do you love yourself? I'm just trying to understand the logic behind why you'd dedicate an entire page to explaining what you were doing nearly two months ago. Thank you for making the text readable though.

Exits

None of your buttons work. The links are illegible as you've decided to overlap all the text. You must really hate me.

SUMMARY

Your coding is shite.

Not only that, but your text is thoroughly unreadable, your entire site is sloppy, and looks like it was put together whilst you were receiving it doggystyle. Since I do not know anything at all about you, seeing as you chose to make the text on your "Me" page invisible, I do not know your age. I can only hope that one day you decide to take web designing more seriously and go about learning the ropes, instead of resigning yourself to a bullshit piczo site with zero credibility.

No QIS rating