Webmasters Behaving Badly: Case Study Two
"Weborexia"
I realise that in this day and age the media seems to influence the younger generation in ways that I consider unnacceptable. "Thin is in", blah blah blah. Yeah whatever, does it look like I care? No. But I do care when silly pesky teenagers try and eminate this "thin is in" shit online, by way of making anorexic tables and/or iframes, and thinking they're the bees knees for doing so. This so called anorexic layout "trend" was cool for all of five minutes with teenagers in what, 2005? Excuse me, it's now 2007, so cut the crap and get with the programme. Your websites are suffering from a disease I've dubbed "weborexia". You are promoting a trend that was ridiculous from the get-go, yet I doubt you're aware of this fact, due to the copious amounts of adoring preteens that flock to your blogs praising your every move. Now, we're all guilty of suffering from delusions of grandeur from time to time but just because you're being 'trendy', it does not give you any sort of power and it does not mean you or your site is deserving of being deemed 'influential' to naive teenagers worldwide.
The main example I have here is Mimi of "Cheap Drugs". One could possibly deduce that Mimi herself was under the influence of cheap drugs when she 'constructed' her sham of a layout:
Actually no, according to her, it must be a masterpiece, because when I checked her code I saw this:
I know what it means, and I'm pathetic. It means nothing. Mimi, what makes you think that anyone would want to steal your code? Now, some of you may be subscribers to my newsletter and you'll therefore know that a rogue from the United Kingdom recently visited my home, who had a spanking fetish. I have not been able to find my ruler since his visit, so unfortunately I am unable to provide wholly accurate measurements of Mimi's sidebar. I can confirm that I am in now in possession of a tape measure however, which should hopefully compensate for the lack of a ruler. On my 12 inch iBook monitor set at 1024 x 768 res, Mimi's sidebar measures in at exactly two centimetres wide. My nifty assistant and Windows-based correspondent Nellie also reports that it is this wide on her 17 " monitor.
Mimi has also chosen to have two navigation systems practically right next to each other, for no apparent reason. I've also seen this 'trend' before. One navigation system is in place on the 2cm sidebar, and the other is presented in the form of image mapped icons under the header image. Said links are comprised of images of herself, which are okay I guess if you're into borrowing your grandmothers' glasses in order to pull of the 'librarian look'. Having layouts of yourself can be fine, but there's no need to go overboard with inverted buttons of yourself in silly Myspace-esque poses with granny glasses falling halfway down your nose in every single one. Come on now! After checking Mimi's non-external stylesheet I noted the font she was using was 7pt...Tahoma. Granted it's not Arial, but in this case it doesn't matter because it's still miniscule and extremely hard to read. I'm really struggling to see what the appeal is in presenting a website in such a careless, idiotic manner.
I need enlightenment - so, let's check out the affiliates:
Amy of "Suck My Kiss" (???) doesn't even have a layout, at least it's not showing up on my computer. Sidebar is exactly the same size as Mimi's! Font size for regular text as specified on internal stylesheet is "1", Times New Roman. Sigh.
Mel of "VintAge Kiss" shows the most promise, as her sidebar is a whole three point five centimetres wide instead of the usual two! Bravo! Pity that the celebrity layout (featuring some random alien-like model who looks like she's gone overboard with the Ambre Solaire) doesn't fully load on my computer.
Want to be thin? Get weborexic!
Here's how:
If you have enough sense to ignore the above instructions, then congratulations. I shall conclude this article by leaving you with some wise words from the esteemed Amanda, mother of accessibility. Not just in terms of web standards, either, I hear...
(Webmasters with crappy 7pt fonts and anorexic layouts) should be forcefed pixels until they reach 770px wide, plus injected with font growth serum so they reach the equivalent of 9pt text."Doesn't sound very nice, does it?
Perhaps this article may give you all a little food for thought. In some cases I'd recommend the higher the calorie count, the better.
PS - If you liked this, you'll love the 'sister article' on Weborexia at Sacred Nights.