Name: Franky
Site: Voukah
Review completed on: 7/02/07
SPLASH PAGE
No splash
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
If tequila and lemonade brings out the blatant honesty and overall forthrightness in me, then can I just say that the appearance of your site doesn't particularly turn me on. You'll have to excuse my candor; I'm enjoying an extremely large glass of tequila and lemonade at present. Why not? It's all I can do, trying to live in this goddamn world. Joking, joking. Time to crank up "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran and feel sorry for myself, and review your site at the same time. Should make for an interesting time, yes?
Sigh.
LAYOUT
Okay, you're probably feeling justified in thinking that I'm not weak at the knees over the appearance of your site. You'd be partially correct if you were to assume this, although it's not all doom and gloom. I like the picture...it's interesting and I haven't seen anything like it before. Dude, it's like your content is underground. I'm digging that (hey I just made a joke unintentionally! go me!), and the additional soil on your footer is like a secondary layer of...soil. Woah yeah, I'm so profound. I'm going deeper underground...there's too much panic in this town...
I don't understand the inclusion of the dandelion however, is it significant in any way? How? I know I have a cow in my header image, but that's significant because it's...it's a representation of me. Hey, I just conjured that up by myself just now. I'm such a clever gyrl.
The colours though, bro. The colours. This layout could have looked like a million dollars if you'd chosen your colour scheme more wisely. Brown, (okay it's dirt, I'll give you a reprieve on that one) white text on a black background, some kind of yellowy orange deal with the headers and the links...teamed with the blue in your image...well! A mixture, for sure. Jambalaya, if you will. The ingredients varied, the taste obviously one that is acquired. I've always been a fussy eater...
CONTENT
Sorta discouraging / heartbreaking / suicide inducing that it seems there's next to no content here. A "me" page and a portfolio, followed by several Final Fantasy XI related links. Dude, Final Fantasy XI. I have memories of that game. I watched my ex boyfriend play it during The Breakup Process. He hated the ending, if I remember correctly. I know nothing about this game...I'm not keen on RPGS. I'm more into the no-brainer arcade genres like fighting and racing. Street Fighter all the way, honey. Is it just me or is Ken from Street Fighter tres lush? Ken Masters 4 Rhiannon Phillips, 4 lyfe. Oh Tom, shit, I'm so sorry...
About Not-I
Not-I? Like naughty? Oh you should have said earlier we could have...oh wait...this page is dedicated to describing what you're not? Why, dude? I can see that you're striving to think different - and that's admirable - but could you not have actually included some facts about what you are, as well?
You have a unique and altogether refined way of expressing yourself, I'll grant you that, but it's coming across as overly stuffy to me, and the grammatical errors are plentiful. I'd change the entire first paragraph to this: (spelling / grammatical adjustments are in bold, and words I have included {when necessary} are italicised)
I am not a perfectionist. Simple? You bet. My grammar has never perfected from constant speech, despite the fact I have been speaking English for the majority of my life - after the googoo's and gaga's specifically. My clothing has always been a big gamble when it comes to my parents' approval - do not misunderstand, though; I am not much of a shopper, and therefore conclude that a lot of my clothing fades away quickly because of my constant change of clothing. (replace this with 'style' maybe?) My parents have had that pet peeve about me - but it saves them grief that I won't turn into a potential stereotype; there are better things to worry about than to satisfy peer pressure.
Second paragraph -
Stereotypes are not for me, and neither is peer pressure. Unless there is absolutely crucial and valid for my survival as a teenager, I refuse to budge.The second sentence does not make any sense. Do you mean they are instead of there is?
Fourth paragraph, in order: agressive = aggressive, arguementative = argumentative.
I know you're probably thinking I've got some personal vendetta against you right about now but I assure you I haven't. Fifth paragraph. You say at the end, when describing your feelings towards romance:
It's a very monochromatic, dramatic moving picture.Hold up for a second there, cowboy. I may have now completely finished aforementioned massive glass of tequila, but: monochromatic = bland, dull, blase. And dramatic = dramatic. How can you associate these two words that are poles apart? Perhaps it'd be better to understand the meaning of words before you use them, although I do appreciate how one can get swept up in grandeur and fail to realise that one is not making a single shred of sense.
That's pretty much it for this page, although I was disappointed to learn that you cannot ride a bike. A pity, I was hoping we could get together post-review for a little JD and coke, and some sexy time.
Portfolio
Internal link! Internal link! Oh, N'uncle Lear, thou hast seventy items to loadeth on thine browser, Safari! Thy internet plan hath deprived me of a connection fast; thus proving my patience short, though breasts admittedly plumpeth. (Hi Tom!)
Okay, first paragraph doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense to my obviously pea sized brain:
Because of my nostalgic perspective of the times in web designing in the past has come to my attention, I thought it would be suitable to place all of the possible notable pieces of work that I have created. (Each are listed according to the webside it has been used in a decending chronological order, but the designs themselves are not listed in any order. However, miscellaneous or minute works are listed last and do not follow any chronological order)I'd restructure this in full for you but I really, honestly cannot make any sense out of the first sentence. I'm thinking that you're essentially saying that you've made graphics and designs in the past and you're aware of this fact (wa-hey!!) and that you're going to put them online? The only thing I can really say in terms of ammendment would be to change decending to descending.
On the copyright note, change plagerism to plagiarism, and the final sentence "In conclusion, this means that the orientation and design belongs to me, but the few images that are used in the design are not." is unnecessary as it is self-explanatory. We're not idiots here, mate.
As for the designs themselves - bit of a mixed bag to be honest. I did quite like the works under "Miscellaneous" and "Artwork", however.
FFXI
With the greatest respect, I have chosen to bypass this section, as I am far from being knowledgeable on the subject matter. I would ask my ex boyfriend at this time (he accesses PSGR via anonymous proxy, you know!) but he'd just say "They is cool". Then I'd nut out at him for failing to elaborate, along with throwing a tanty over the use of "is" instead of "are". He'd ignore me, and the blocking function would be utilised. In short, it's just better that I avoid this page completely. I'm sure the information provided would be of satisfaction to Final Fantasy connoiseurs worldwide. Word.
Aaaand that leaves me with...nothing else to review! What an experience.
SUMMARY
It's funny how coherent one can sound when one has been dabbling in hard liquor throughout the course of a web page review. I applaud myself. I applaud you too, Franky, for submitting your site to me in the first place. You've made a good move and you're now well on your way to Comprehension City. What is Comprehension City, you may ask. Well, it's a brilliant city in which everyone has the ability to express themselves in a way that is easily understandable, without having to talk like a neanderthal or, in contrast, like a pompous git. Expressing yourself in a refined manner is fine, but you need to make sure you're making yourself understood in the process. This reminds me of Addy, a damn decent dude (DDD!) who I reviewed recently. He expressed himself oh so eloquently, yet I understood him, because he'd got the whole shebang down to a tee. I admired him for his ability to do so. Unfortunately in your case however, I could barely make sense of much of what you were writing about. I felt that you could have easily expressed yourself in an intelligible (and not to mention cohesive) manner without sounding long winded and over the top.
As far as content is concerned - what content? A few digital images here and there and a page detailing attributes and attitudes you don't possess? As I mentioned earlier, it's fine to think outside the square, of course it is, but you really needed to actually provide some concrete information about yourself. Your age, location, et al. The only real area of substance here at Voukah right now would be the Final Fantasy related pages, and even then they'd only be of interest to those who are familiar with this game.
I strongly recommend you reconsider the direction you've chosen to take with your website. All the best, and remember: life's always better when you can make sense of it.
