Monday 28th January 2008

PSG: Fluidly

Haha gotta love the tacky titles eh...checked out the "About Me" section lately? It's full of them.

I've made the layout fluid again - yay. The site title is a transparent .png so obviously it doesn't render correctly on prehistoric IE6, since that browser does not support such a thing. So, for the handful of IE6 users who are reading this, yes I *know* that the site title has a grey background. I've found bugs in every single transparent png for IE6 workaround that I've tried and to be honest I'm tired of having to make exceptions to accommodate this outdated browser, especially when the majority of IE using readers come here on IE7.

So, I have three job interviews on Wednesday, all for jobs that are set to start the following Monday, which is the same day I'm supposed to start my 3 week stint at UC. The name of the company isn't UC, I just don't want to give the name. For some anal reason some employers get up in arms about an employee mentioning their workplace online. Anyway, UC is only for 3 hours a day for 3 weeks....yeahh....so obviously I'm hoping to get something more stable. I'm not the type to get overly optimistic (about anything really) so if I get a job as a result of one of the interviews that's cool, but if not, whatever. I really want a new computer though...this is random but for the last two years I seem to buy myself a new gadget in March, like last year I got my cam and the year before I bought my computer. Fuck getting a Macbook Air though...at first I was all "Fuuucking hell that's sexy! I want one so bad!!!!11" and then I read about the lack of specs and realised the Macbook Air is nothing more than a gimmick. It'd be fab if it had, you know, more than one fucking USB port and an optical fucking drive, but noooooo, so a Macbook it is. I also want Fantasy by Britney Spears. Think what you like about her, but seriously, she has some really nice fragrances.

After much deliberation I have decided to immerse myself in bacteria infested environments (aka internet cafes) in the name of keeping this site alive. Every internet cafe I've been to in New Zealand uses IE6 and you'd be hard pressed to even enjoy a virtually obsolete 1024x768 resolution. They keep it at 800x600 and lock the control panel so you can't change it. Food particles and hairs fill the spaces between the keys...pre-pubescent World of Warcraft players are overly vocal...and meanwhile the ever-present smell of BO wafts through the poorly conditioned air......

Sorry about the visuals. Is this my cue to leave? Yes.

Sunday 27th January 2008

Introducing Club Madame

After weeks of discussion with Madame Mysterioso (indeed!) I am proud to announce the creation of Club Madame, the #1 source for all things Madame! Madame has made many friends since her first appearance here on PSGR and between us we decided to create a fan site dedicated to her...so check it out and maybe join if you please! Be sure to check out the bonus features where you can find out more about her past movie roles and even take a squiz at Real Results, Madame's very own exercise DVD.

Sunday 27th January 2008

Madame Mysterioso's Weekly Blogoscopes

For Sunday 27th January - Saturday 2nd February.

Aries (March 21-April 19) - You're in an unhappy situation right now and the future is looking bleak. Keep your head up - it won't always be this grey. Your situation will start to improve come the middle of the week, if you continue to think positively and not let the negative energy weigh you down. MMMadame's so deep and insightful! This comes as a turn-on, right?

Taurus (April 20-May 20) - Going on and on ad nauseam about the consequences of stealing your site stuff is considered tacky by Madame. Wake up - if someone wants to steal something off you and/or get over-inspired by your ideas they're just going to go ahead and do it. Nobody's going to let a copyright notice get in their way, least of all some lame ass "steal and die!" notice. Whilst these notices bring about lulz, they do nothing to deter a thief.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) - Wow, look at you strutting your stuff! You're a confident babe and no mistake. Your ideal scent this week is "I Love Love" by Moschino - try a tester bottle in your local department store and you won't regret it. For male Gemini's craving a scent of their own, may Madame suggest Burberry Brit for Men? Anything's gotta be better than that disgusting Davidoff. Fruit notes are not suitable for men!

Cancer (June 22-July 22) - 100 crunches each night for a week will result in a joyous occasion when weighing yourself. Remember it pays to have a two-day rest from crunches in a 7 day period - you don't want to overexert yourself. A brisk 20 minute walk in a safe area will also help you firm up and shed some unwanted kilograms, not to mention a result of a more balanced metabolism.

Leo (July 23-August 22) - Stay away from dandelions this week. Did you know that by rubbing dandelions against your skin you could get ringworm? That'd go down so well with your lover - NOT!

Virgo (August 23-September 22) - You met someone from the internet recently...Madame is seeing the number 5...5 months ago? Madame knows deep down that you were disappointed by them. Madame also knows you won't readily admit this to anymore, especially on your blog. Madame understands completely. He/she loves you big time as a friend, but you don't feel the same way...I mean, you like them well enough, but meeting them a second time? Not on your nelly.

Libra (September 23-October 23) - You're pretty sick of your site at the moment and the thought of deleting it and fading into obscurity is certainly appealing. Wait it out for a week and see how you feel then - Madame is somewhat certain you'll start warming to your sweet WWW come Thursday.

Scorpio (October 24-November 21) - Chanel, Givenchy, Dior, names names names! You're thinking of purchasing a quality garment this week and Madame can tell you with absolute conviction that this will be your purchase of the year! Expect a lot of attention in your new thread/s, and unfortunately expect hostile behaviour from jealous-minded females. Madame herself cannot understand why some girls act this way, but the best thing you can do is smirk at them and keep walking. Girls are petty, jealous creatures.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) - You're a tricky one to assist this week. You're quite similar in thought to Librans, so it'd pay to take a read of Madame's libra advice this week as the same applies to you. Also, don't get too optimistic over a possible opportunity that'll present itself to you on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) - Expect a cruisy week ahead with minimal bullshit. Makes a change for you, huh? Enjoy it.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) - And you hang around with those boring, superficial girls because....? Oh, you don't want to be perceived as a loner? Who cares what other people think?

Pisces (February 19-March 20) - Avoid peas like the plague this week. Peas will bring you misfortune - even if they're covered in a delicious mint sauce. For this week and this week only, peas are evil to you dear Pisces.

Friday 25th January 2008, 9.25pm

A red faced return

Okay okay...infinite apologies for the display problem you've been experiencing for days on end. I was mucking around with my CSS on Monday night and then I ended up going to Wellington for the rest of the week, therefore I had no internet access. So, only thanks to the many emails I've received, I've only just now become aware of the problem. Once again, really sorry that you've had to view the site in its former state. I really should've come online during the week but the thought of using internet cafe computers makes me feel like vomiting...no offense to any users of i-cafes out there, perhaps they are better in other countries but the ones I've seen in New Zealand are nothing short of disgusting, germ infested nerd havens, with keyboards that leave you with stinky hands etc etc. Like I said, no offense, I'm just not into germs to be honest. Plus I was only offline for a couple of days, I didn't feel any urgent need to use the internet during that time. Heh, remember last year when I was offline for just over a month and people thought I was dead? Crazy stuff. You guys are cuties ^_^

Soooo, why was I in Wellington? Well, working on my computer in the state that it's in is kinda...well...the bane of my existence. This is supposed to be a portable computer yet it's being treated as a 'three piece set' due to my spilling iced tea on the keyboard. (Have to use the USB keyboard from my 2000 iMac.) Every time I bitched about it James offered to buy me a Macbook because he could do that in one pay (with change) but noooo.....I'm the one who fucked up my own computer so it's my problem. Getting a new one just like that wouldn't feel right, I'd rather save up for one with my own money. Trouble is, I have no money, so I've decided yet again to try for a job. Once I get enough money for a Macbook though....heheheheheeh...just kidding, better actually stay at a job huh, set an example for the younguns reading this. I want to have lots of money, but in my own right, not through benefitting through other people like Nan and James. I never ask for money but sometimes, just sometimes, when it's offered I will take it. I have a job starting on the 4th of February in Wellington but it's only for three weeks, but I have an interview for another place sometime next week so we'll see what happens with that. If I end up getting the other job I'll take it, and not bother turning up to the one I've already got starting on the 4th). I won't be going to Wellington straight away though this time, it just depends on when the interview is.

Jobs in New Zealand pay shit, unless you're in some higher up career-type position like James etc. I am seriously thinking about moving to Australia by myself for a couple of months, jobs there are so plentiful unlike here. Plus, jobs pay much better over there. I'd happily live alone somewhere for a little while and work hard, and then return to NZ with a hearty supply of cash! If this 'Aussie plan' came into fruition it wouldn't be until April at the earliest, and I'd be going to Sydney since I've lived there before. James'll be all right here, we've lived in different countries before and it's never been a problem. I do have a job coming up like I mentioned before, but it's only for three weeks and after that I could be trying for ages to get something else. Unless you're in a career job / you're qualified it's insane to even expect a pay of $17 + an hour in NZ. In Australia at American Express I was on $18, and the NZ jobs I've had have paid: $12, $14, and a shocking $9 after tax. DON'T work for Studylink via Adecco - if I hadn't been through a recruitment agency I would have been paid $17. You'd think that government positions would pay all right, but not if you go through an agency that's for sure! The average call centre/cust service job in Aussie pays anything from $15-20 per hour, and they usually have perks like bonus schemes or commission (with a good base rate). New Zealand sucks in terms of wages, no wonder thousands of young kiwis flee to Aussie each year in search of a better life. I'd be keen as to go back there...get a Macbook, get the new Armani scent (Diamonds!), Fantasy by Britney Spears (been wanting that for ages!), get some more tops from Wheels and Dollbaby, check out the pokies at the Star Bar...hell yeah!

That's another thing too - pokies in NZ suck big time! $2.00 = 100 credits, whereas in Aussie $1.00 = 100 credits. The minimum you have to put into the machine in NZ is $2! Fuck man, I went to a gaming room a few days ago and the whole fucking area smelt like SHIT...bad bad shit...and I swear the smell clung to me. I went on to Borders where I was reading some gossip mags and I swear I smelt that shit on me, roasted, toasted summer poop...I even looked on my shoes but there was nothing to be seen. I texted James about it and he said that some smells can leech onto you. I ended up going into a department store and soaking myself in a tester bottle of Fantasy by Britney Spears. It was as if I'd crapped myself or something, even though I assure you I hadn't. I think it was the lady at the pokies. Too busy gambling away her toilet paper money.

So what else is there to talk about? Can't think of anything else. Oh, just a note to reviewees - I know you've been waiting for ages but please understand that I am not always online these days so you may well have to wait a little longer for your review. I spent most of Sunday online and a few hours on Saturday morning but apart from that - and if the past few weeks are anything to go by - I haven't been online. Perhaps this will change sometime in the near future. Talk to you again soon - I promise!

Sunday January 20th 2008, 12.23 pm

Madame Mysterioso's Weekly Blogoscopes

For Sunday 20th January - Saturday 26th January.

Aries (March 21-April 19) - You're feeling a little...sexual...after last weeks' revelations regarding your online crush. Steady on - remember that only fools rush in so don't send those topless pics to them just yet. You're a cheeky one and that's why certain people are into you, but don't go over the top.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) - Madame wonders how you can expect to be taken seriously in that ridiculous outfit you seem to love. So Molly Sue said it looks great on you - ever considered that Molly Sue is full of shit and doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Shame on you, Taurus. Madame scorns your naevity. It is not Madame who is full of shit, it is Molly Sue. Molly Sue = liar. Madame = faithful friend and provider of wisdom.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) - You should wear that lipstick more, it really suits you! And yes, he WILL like it, so don't worry! *sigh*

Cancer (June 22-July 22) - Where to begin with you, Cancer? You're always a tricky one to read. Checked your affiliates page for any dead links recently? Today might be the day to do just that. By the way, Madame admires you greatly and really values your friendship.

Leo (July 23-August 22) - Do you study to be cool or does it come naturally? Madame believes it is the latter. No advice for you this week because you seriously don't need it. Just keep on going the way you are, you're certainly admired for it online.

Virgo (August 23-September 22) - Headstrong, bold, footloose and fancy free! You're so energetic both online and off, but remember to always proof read before you publish that lively blog of yours.

Libra (September 23-October 23) - The young man who regularly comments on your blog is otherwise known as the bane of your existence. He's annoying, that's for sure, especially when he so obviously only comments in order to get hits to his own site. What a sad and desperate loser - if you're feeling bold you could always delete his comments after he's posted them and when he whines about it just make out it was a technical error with your CMS.

Scorpio (October 24-November 21) - You have a corduroy item in your wardrobe. This amuses Madame greatly. Perhaps this is the week in which you will rightfully dispose of it, yes? No one can be a fashion victim forever.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) - Don't put too much trust in the offline individual who assures you a life of fame and recognition. Brushing teeth and pretending to be sane will work wonders for you after you receive Thursdays' news. Madame also suggests you touch up your haircolour - regrowth is something that ought to be dreaded, feared even. Don't delay, get rid of your regrowth TODAY.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) - If they request your friendship on Wednesday be sure to tell them to fuck off. They want your friendship for the wrong reasons. Users exist online too you know.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) - Madame notices you've been putting in the hard yards as far as your website is concerned. Congratulations, it's looking great, and Madame isn't the only one who thinks so. You going to submit to PSGR when submissions re-open?

Pisces (February 19-March 20) - Wow. You're sexy. In fact, you're so damn sexy that you're exuding rays of sexiness which blind Madame, therefore she cannot give you a reading this week. Like whoa!!1

Friday 18th January 2008, 10.22 PM

PSGR and the New Ride

Waking up in our Honda Torneo (V-Tec) this morning I would never have dreamt we'd end our day in a new car - and not just any car either - a full on, intercooled twin turbo 300 horsepower 0 to 100km in 5 seconds (0-60 miles per hour for the Americans out there) lean mean tarmac eating machine!

There's no denying that Honda's V-Tech is a decent addition to the engine, but it's not seen as a racing engine as such. I mean, the Euro R model is but we didn't have that one. The Torneo was a great car, a dark blue in colour and sporting sleek, Euro looks. That's pretty much where it ended though, in terms of raw (and roar!) performance and genuine grunt it was lacking - the kind of grunt we wanted was the kind that came from certain Fords and Holdens (I think Brits call Holdens "Vauxhalls?"), Mitsubishi Evo's, Subaru's etc etc.

James had always wanted a performance car, so today, quite randomly, he decided to get a new car - a Subaru Legacy RSK B4, with a Boxer twin turbo engine, 4WD, 17 inch mags, tints, spoiler, bodykit, in-car TV and Sat Nav, leather interior, big bore performance exhaust, Momo steering wheel, STI gauges...so much car really and a damn good deal for only $17,000 (NZD). We'll be branded as boyracers / troublemakers for sure now because it's that kind of car, but no worries. If we're doing nothing wrong the pigs can't ping us, as much as they'd like to. Last night (in the Torneo) we were followed for a good ten minutes when we were going for a drive in an area we weren't familiar with. We didn't know where we were going and we were looking for somewhere to turn round, and the only place we could see was a factory driveway. We went down it and turned round, and the pigs were still riding our ass so we stopped and this hideous woman pig rolled down her window, sneered at us, and said "What are you doing here?" And James said "Well I'm looking for somewhere to turn around". The smart bitch said "Why did you come here though" and James said "Well as I said we took a wrong turn and needed somewhere to turn around". She sneered at him for a minute, she said something to the male pig and they laughed and drove off. And the police wonder why they're hated?!

Tints are great though because now no perverted disgusting men can easily stare, etc! I'm so big on privacy. The twin turbo is bloody fantastic - a shitty van had the nerve to try and race us and it took virtually no effort at all to leave the dude in dust. I've never been in a performance car before and it's hard to get used to suddenly having all the mods at once instead of having nothing. I mean, we were going to mod the Torneo bit by bit, starting with a Remus exhaust, and the thought of doing that was exciting. Now, we don't have to bother - we don't have to get any mods for the B4 except maybe a blow-off valve for the turbo and a K&N racing air filter.

The only downside to the B4 is that I can't drive it because it's in manual. James loves manual because it gives the driver better control of the car and better performance, but I've never driven manual before, only automatic. I mean, legally I'm not allowed to drive a car at all because I don't have a license but regardless I've been driving for over four years now. Obviously only every now and then of course!

Fuck man, the number plates are up to three letters at the moment and we thought they were up to F - just imagine having something like FAG and then the 3 digits. That'd be so awful. I expressed my concern to the car salesman and he thought I was being funny and he started cracking up. As always, I wasn't being funny, but yeah. Luckily they're still in the E's so no FAG for us.

Anyway, I've only just come back from spending two days in Wellington so I'll reply to emails etc tomorrow. Here's some pics of the B4!

Wednesday January 16th 2008, 9.33am

Dreamhost Billing Issues

Update

From the blog of the guy who's responsible for this:

We had a teensy eensy weensy little billing error last night...my first clue something was up when I saw this morning's daily billing report (so far): $7,500,000. It turns out due to my excessively fat fingers, nearly every one of our customers has been seriously over-billed in the last 12 hours.

* * *

I got quite a shock to receive an email from Dreamhost earlier tonight stating that I owed $381.60 and that my last payment was in May of 2006.

Luckily I had the sense to log into Dreamhost and consequently discovered that there was a recognised billing problem among users, with a severity level marked "medium". This has since been changed to "high", probably due to the numerous people rightfully treating it as such.

Fortunately I'm all paid up until the end of the year, but users who are on automatic monthly payments have had funds debited from their credit cards - all in error. People have been overcharged by up to $300! Imagine waking up to find your bank account overdrawn because of it, or an unwanted (and bloody unwarranted!) credit card charge. Dude, people have even gone into overdraft because of this. That accrues fees. Will these users be compensated for any of these fees? Sure they'll be compensated for the billing money but what about any overdraft / special interest fees caused? This is major. Anything involving money is! And trust. Haha, money+trust....yeah, that's an amusing combination :P

Up until recently the level of this problem was marked at "medium" - I mean hey, it's only a massive breach of trust, charging loyal customers unnecessarily and making them panic thinking they owe funds.

What about the more naive webmasters out there who fully panic and follow the instructions in the email, telling them how to go about paying the hundreds on their overdue bill? What if they go ahead and pay these unnecessary funds? You can't just assume that 100% of these users will use some logic and some sense and check out the Dreamhost status page.

I can't even imagine the amount of people who have been inconvenienced right now. On the Dreamhost status page users can comment about the issue, and there's bound to be some token guy or girl who'll come on and pull the whole 'you get what you pay for' deal. I don't buy that. This kind of problem should never occur in the first place, whether the company is cheap or costly.

With any luck all those affected by automatic billing should be reimbursed as soon as possible. An internal (though preferably external) audit of their billing system also needs to take place - and as for the sorry email? I wouldn't hold my breath.

Dreamhost rocks, usually, but at the end of the day these corporations are all the same. They don't care about you that much, they just want your money.

They did address the problem promptly though, I'll give them kudos for that. All I can say is thank god I don't have automatic billing. Or do I......

Tuesday January 15th 2008. 9.16 am

Review 312 - Melinda of Rinato

Thank you Amanda for completing this review :)

Now, this is a huge improvement over the default WordPress theme you had before! I love the colours you've chosen for this theme, and the little aesthetic details you've placed around the theme as well, to dress it up a bit. Aesthetically, your site is beautiful. From a functionality point of view however, the font size leaves a lot to be desired. Call me Ms. Semi-Blind, but the tiny font really does detract from what would otherwise be a lovely layout. But fret not! This can be easily rectified with some simple twiddling of your stylesheet.
Read more?

Monday January 14th 2008, 8.41 pm

Uh...wrinkles

An odd request I know, but - can anyone recommend any wrinkle creams? Or fine line creams or whatever? This is something I don't know anything about. I took some pictures of myself earlier today and going through them I noticed that the line near my mouth on the left side of my face is getting more noticeable. This is more than likely due to smoking, but still I'm sure there's some kind of cream that will smooth it out and/or make it less noticeable. I have BioOil but that's for a few scars and stretch marks (one of the only downsides to losing a lot of weight!) and I don't think this ointment is really for wrinkles/lines.

So I was wondering if anyone could recommend something for me? Preferably cheap...like under $100. I don't want to pay truckloads for something that mightn't work! I can't stand interacting with those stuck up snobs at the makeup counters who act like they're better than everyone else, so that's why I'd rather ask you guys!

PS - Sorry about the random beauty blog. To be quite honest I can't be bothered doing a review today (don't act surprised now) but tomorrow's another day, see what happens...*stifled laughter*

PPS - Madame Mysterioso says hola muchachos y muchachas, and thank you for all the compliments about her appearance. I'm jealous - she rocks that double chin like nobodies business.

Sunday January 13th 2008

Madame Mysterioso's Weekly Blogoscopes

For Sunday 13th January - Saturday 19th January.

Aries (March 21-April 19) - Madame envisions red love hearts. You, my lucky Aries, have a secret e-admirer! There is someone who regularly visits your blog who has quite the fascination with your personal images, and if given the chance would like to be more than friends. You may already have an idea who this person is, and if you do, you'd be correct. However, do not confront this individual - wait for them to confront you. It's their crush, so their rules.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) - Forget about your weight loss issues this week. Why not concentrate on increasing the amount of quality visitor content your site contains? Word up.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) - Don't tell that boy about your site. He wouldn't understand.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) - Caution should be taken when eating on Friday - there may well be a hair in your food, especially if you're in the Central to Northern England area.

Leo (July 23-August 22) - You crave e-wisdom and guidance, but you have your doubts about Madame. Madame urges you to believe. Without the power of belief, humankind is nothing. Without a certain person's ability to talk crap, Madame may not exist...

Virgo (August 23-September 22) - Lately you've been having doubts about the way you're perceived online. Madame assures you that you are seen as a popular, intelligent blogger who has a sound fanbase. Madame encourages you to keep up the great work and continue to strive for excellence. Maintaining a website can be a chore at times, but all your work has been paying off and will continue to do so. Don't give up!

Libra (September 23-October 23) - A friendly Californian will comment on your blog this week. This person is a real gem - comment back and a long-lasting friendship will be established.

Scorpio (October 24-November 21) - You're a straightforward person, so Madame will keep this brief. Don't get into the car with him on Tuesday. Doing so will bring misfortune.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) - You may receive feedback this week from an unlikely source. Embrace it.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) - Beware of the third person to comment on your blog for Thursday 17th January. They may be a friend, they may be a foe...but unfortunately, only Madame can know...

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) - You are losing visitors because you're not updating your site as frequently as you could be. Madame suggests updating at least three times a week.

Pisces (February 19-March 20) - Do not let the rotund, round faced Stan from South Park lookalike get you down. This vision is murky for Madame, so she cannot tell you whether this person is involved in your online or offline life. Just quietly, this person isn't much liked, so don't give them a second thought. No one else does.

Friday 11th January 2008, 5:34 pm

Crock o'shit: Photo Laureates

Like I even care to look up the definition of laureates. I think it's some scholarly kind of word, but I can't be bothered dedicating five whole seconds to confirming this via a search.

Anyway, a couple of months ago I decided to look up photo competitions online - exposure rocks and all that, and as an amateur I'd consider it a real achievement to be able to get recognised.

I came across two sites in particular, and entered my favourite picture at both. The sites seemed kosher enough, so I didn't think twice about entering my mailing address in the contest form. A few weeks later I got a letter saying I'd been selected to go into 'the next stage' of the competition, but to get through I'd have to pay a registration fee of a hundred and something bucks. Also, for an additional hundred bucks I could get my photo published in their 'coffee table book', and wait, there's more - an additional hundred would get my picture published in COLOUR instead of black and white! WHOA! Not that the book exists, but if it did the pictures would soooo be in matte and not glossy. It was now blatantly obvious that the whole thing was a scam, and after some research online this fact was confirmed. Luckily this shambolic outlet did not contact me again via snail mail, however at least once a week I received an e-mail going on about how "the editor has selected your picture for publication", "your photo has won you $15,000", blah blah fucking blah. It's not a big deal for me to simply delete an email, so that's what I did for a while before finally getting round to unsubscribing.

More recently, I've started getting emails from a site called "Photo Laureates". I know it's because I entered a picture, although I can't remember doing so but whatever. I got one today informing me about some bullshit photo challenge and the results of last months' challenge in which the contestants had to take pictures that experimented with light and patterns. My Light and Magic gallery essentially pisses on the three winning pics, but that's not saying much really - anyone surely, is capable of taking better shots than the three below. What's also funny is the judges critique.

Cold Beauty

Contestant says: "A photo I submitted earlier, this time I used some PS to create the mood of a cold, yet I hope appealing, scene"

Full stops are your friend. Use them. Of course, I'm not the judge here, thank god, but in my view using image altering applications like Photoshop should be considered cheating. While the professional photographer would apply some kind of filter to their SLR camera, the ignorant, eager amateur resorts to Photoshop. I don't know, it seems like a cop-out to me. I'm currently involved in a legitimate photo comp in a NZ magazine and images that have relied on Photoshop are not allowed.

This picture is reasonably nice, but all he/she had to do was take a picture of a winter scene and jazz it up in photoshop. Talk about losing credibility.

Judges' critique: "The blue tone (white balance) gives the cool effect. If you made the image in red tones it would seem warm. It is one of those things we humans preceive. The composition is great with selective focus for emphasize. The flash appears to have fired leaving the snow flakes frozen in the air with a little blur. Well done and deserving of first place."

The blue tone gives a cool effect? Nice observation there, Einstein! I would never have picked that up myself. What's with the random crap about red tones? Um, of course if he'd applied red tones it'd appear warm, hence red being the opposite of blue which is cold. Why even say this? It's like he's trying to come across as clever by stating a fact so obvious that even Ralph fucking Wiggum would understand it.

"It is one of those things we humans preceive."

Preceive, huh? What is this "preceive"? I know perceive, do you mean this? Corrupt idiot. What a loser! I bet he's one of those men who have to have a bag installed in their pants because they keep spontaneously crapping themselves. Either that or he's some pot bellied 45 year old who still lives at home with his mother, permanently parked on the sofa in front of Jerry Springer, surrounded by month old pizza boxes and old cans of Budweiser.

The composition is great with selective focus for emphasize.

LOOOOOSERRRR!!! Selective focus for 'emphasize'. The fucker merely pointed the camera and pressed the shoot button, that's clear as hell. Emphasize = emphasis, in that context anyway, and I'm sure he could have come up with a better word than 'great'.

Tree Spirit

Contestant says: "I positioned myself so the light from the dimly lit windows represented eyes. Then I lessened by exposure level so the surrounding accessories were not seen as much. If you did see it, it would be a house profile, rocks and snow, and the wires holding up the tree."

To me it looks like a flurry of neon-green mutant maggots flocking towards some red rectangular beacon of sorts, but each to their own.

Judges' critique: "The tree is just a little crooked. I light the exposure and the lighting of the tree. Green color with red windows is great for the Christmas season. Thanks for sharing."

LOL JUDGE. If the tree is crooked then why select it for second place? Were the other entries really that poor? Oh that's right, there were no real entries because this competition is fake, and orchestrated purposefully as part of your underhanded money laundering scheme. Yet again, ol' Judgie Wudgie is stating the obvious in saying that red and green is 'great' for the Christmas season. No shit Sherlock. Oh wait, I forgot to mention that he 'lights' the exposure and lighting of the tree! Dude, this guy is a literary genius. His way with words stuns me, as if I were but a mere deer in front of headlights, or a blowfly smothered in Raid. I see this judge as my idol, and a prayer mat will be produced accordingly, so I can pray to him for guidance in my quest to improve my piss-poor vocabulary.

I Think I Can...

Contestant says: "Same as previous submission except I think I like the warmer background better."

How profound. You really want to win this non-existant competition don't you?

Judge practically comes in his pants with: "I like this one lots better than the other one. The tone of the image is much more pleasant and the image has a better look. Simple and pleasant. Thanks for sharing."

Mentions of the word 'pleasant' and 'better' twice have been noted, and frowned upon accordingly. In my opinion the picture is nothing special, all he had to do was snap off a tree branch and ram it down a tiny hole so that fits nice and tight. Yeah, exactly, like sex.

So, budding photographers, I warn you to think twice before submitting your name and details to online photo contests. Chances are that said contests are actually fake, run by imbeciles like the kindergarten-esque, Barney-the-purple-dinosaur-lovin' judge at Photo Laureates.

The upcoming challenge for February is to, quote, "take a picture of a flower using macro photography". I can definitely understand how this task is labelled a challenge, seeing as it involves pressing a button on any point and shoot camera and then pressing like, another button that takes the photo. I don't think I'll unsubscribe from this spam - this is too fun!

Friday 11th January 2008, 11.48am

Losers are winners

I was online until 2 am last night, absolutely engrossed in Bebo profile surfing. See, when I signed up to the place for some reason I'd already been added by a girl I went to school with. I wouldn't say we were friends per se - I mean, she'd do what everyone else did, talk to me and be civil when no one else was around and then completely ignore me when there were.

I was never one of those kids who got sucked into peer pressure or acted a certain way that would be considered acceptable for all the popular girls. I just did my thing - while they were busy having underage sex or consuming copious amounts of alcohol, I was at home of a Saturday night memorising textbooks, downloading Beatles songs off Napster, fighting with people in chatrooms or watching Brady Bunch reruns.

At Girl's High, the school I went to, if you have no talent in academics or sport the teachers won't give a fuck about you. If you didn't kiss teacher ass they'd ignore you completely. I was the one who always sat at the back of the class away from everyone else - in fact I made a point to sit as far away from everyone else as possible. Why? I don't know, I just did. Sometimes if I finished my work early I'd write letters to penpals and I didn't want anyone seeing what I was doing.

People left me alone - I wasn't classed as a "Reject", because at my school the rejects (or "reejs") had poor/non-existant fashion sense and were shit at everything there was to be shit over - sports and school work. I was shit at most sports too (I cowered whenever a ball came my way) but I had my strengths elsewhere, and I never had shit clothes, so people didn't know what to make of me. I wasn't teased like they were, I was simply ignored, which was fine because that's what I wanted anyway. I was accepted as being a loner. Lunchtimes weren't a problem for me either - I'd quietly slip out of the school grounds and hang out at The Esplanade, the park next door. I'd go into the forest and sit under a tree studying, listening to Pet Shop Boys on my CD walkman (remember those?) with a token cigarette in hand of course.

Mondays in History were always dreaded. We had weekly assignments that were always handed back on Monday mornings, and the teacher took to announcing my personal results in front of the entire class, because everyone would always be like "Miss, what did Rhiannon get?", so I'd have my score announced in public instead of being able to have a private glance myself. I would have complained about it, but just quietly I enjoyed everyone knowing I got a better mark than the rest of them, always, apart from one time when some Jehovah's Witness came top. Miss Scott read out Alex's marks and everyone turned to stare at me. I mumbled something about how I must have forgotten to complete a question, but I knew that she'd genuinely done a better job. Ooh, I had my issues with her after she pwned me one day - the teacher didn't know how to spell 'hypocrisy' so I was all like, "Oh, it's hypocracy" and the Alex girl said "hypocrisy", and I was all "No it isn't!! How would YOU know?!?" and Miss Scott looked it up in the dictionary and I was royally bummed out. Alex certainly enjoyed her position on top of Mount Pwn that day. She was going grey, that girl, and she was only 15. I hear she's a hooker now.

People generally tolerated me in history because I'd inadvertently bring on entertainment when arguing with the teacher and my antics would cut into the lesson. People used to even try and get me to fight with her on purpose so that there wouldn't be time to do much work.

Anyway, last night I came across the profiles of pretty much everyone I knew of at school. They seem to have all found each other again online, and I couldn't believe how most of them are looking. I used to stare at some of these people when they weren't looking - jealous of their skinny legs, flat bellies, good looks. There was a time when I'd give anything to look like them. To be able to look good in clothes, blah blah blah. I came across the profiles of some of these popular girls and I couldn't believe it - beached whale much? These people who'd laughed at me behind my back (the people who weren't in my history class!) looked like train wrecks. I can't understand how someone could put on so much weight in what, 5, 6 years? As for their outfits, well, they were tragic too. These people who'd taunted me over my chubbiness were now the chubby ones themselves! The ones who'd slacked off in class and were setting themselves up for a mundane future full of dole checks and dirty nappies, who had nothing to go on apart from how hott they thought they looked. The same people who I used to come across in the street a few years ago, who'd come running up to me making out we were best buddies at school even though they'd never uttered a word to me apart from calling me "fatty ass". Just because I've lost weight means I'm good enough for befriending now, huh? Fuck off. I'm still the same loser I was back then, and I wouldn't change that for the world. Besides, I lost weight by accident as I spent an entire summer in front of the computer making websites, and I forgot to comfort eat. Didn't need to anymore anyway, since I'd left the horrors of high school.

In my experience, the high school bitches usually turn out this way. After high school they turn into nobodies, and it is the nerds, the geeks, the freaks, and sometimes even the rejects who come out on top - in one way or another.

I snickered a great deal last night, and I'm not in the least bit sorry. Maybe they should have thought of that before they teased me and the others - karma can be a major bitch, especially when you're a superficial, judgmental airhead set free out of the social safety net that is high school.

Wednesday 9th January 2008, 9.59pm

Review 311 - Camille of Krescent Moon

Thank you Amanda for guest reviewing this site!

You know, there was a reason why I chose your site in particular out of Rhiannon's insanely long queue to review. You are, in my opinion, the only site in the "high priority" queue who appeared to already have a fairly firm grasp on the nuances of structured and semantic design and original content, yet who still had a long way to go before reaching that pinnacle of excellence.
Read more?

Review 310 - Melissa of Emerge

Nancy Sinatra - have you heard You Only Live Twice, the theme from the James Bond movie of the same name? Occasionally when I have the house to myself I'll sing karaoke to this song, and I'll record myself doing it. I'll finish up, all excited to hear my shit-hot potential #1 single, and then it all goes to pot and I come away feeling appalled and embarrassed at how bad I sound. My other 'speciality' is The Hills are Alive, from The Sound of Music. One time my Mum came home and I didn't hear her because I was too busy yowling, and she heard a few notes. For shame! Not as embarrassing as the time she caught me scanning my left tit. Gimme a break, I was 15 at the time and I was just exploring the different functions of the thing. (The scanner, not the breast.)
Read more?

Review 309 - Pat of Mango Milkshake

Where to start with your sidebar...? Welcome to Clutter City! Population: You. Never fear, Doctor PSGR is here and I've got some remedies that would certainly cure this bulky condition. I once removed a veruca on my foot when I was ten, and as a result I thought I had some shit hot doctor potential. You can trust me, I'm no cowboy.
Read more?

Monday 7th January 2008, 1.10pm

The Quilting Bee!

I'm a proud new member of the Quilting Bee! After I made my new pixel layout last week I blogged about wanting to join, and I ended up doing so a few hours later. When I came online this morning I noticed I'd been accepted! If you'd like to check out my quilt, click here or check out the bee graphic on my sidebar, which will be permanently located here so that other members can view my quilt with ease.

Woooo!

Sunday 6th January 2008, 12.22pm

Madame Mysterioso's Weekly Blogoscopes

For Sunday 6th January - Saturday 12th January.

Aries (March 21-April 19) - You're dreading your return to school because you don't know where you stand with a certain friend. You're worried that these problems could affect your social standing, and you fret that instead of hanging out with your buddies at lunchtime you'll be holed up in the computer lab hanging out at PSGR. You must avoid doing this at all costs!

Taurus (April 20-May 20) - Despite what you think, you DO look great and have the potential to look even better if you actually fucking cleaned yourself more frequently. Clean up your sidebar too, it's cluttered.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) - Your horny nature has got you into trouble many times in the past, and it's time to quit the loose flapper routine and get some self-respect. Celebrity image use will result in bad luck for the entire week.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) - Your kind-hearted persona results in people taking advantage of you. If you're seen as an online weakling, it's only natural that people are going to pick on you. Stand up for yourself this week, and gain respect from others by doing so.

Leo (July 23-August 22) - A little extra tolerance towards others and an ego deflation will work wonders for your personal and love life. Cut down on your daily visits to PSGR, this site only makes you ill.

Virgo (August 23-September 22) - Your hatred towards your own website is unhealthy. If you're so unhappy with it, why not take a break?

Libra (September 23-October 23) - There is a black sheep among your website affiliates; one who can't be trusted. You've suspected this for a while, and Madame is here to confirm that your suspicions are justified. Beware of the Judas Affiliate.

Scorpio (October 24-November 21) - You shall have a highly successful blogging week. Embrace new online friendships; these will be long lasting.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) - Your website requires a lot of upkeep. Keep working at it - you'll reach your goal quicker if you put in some extra effort.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19) - Enjoy increased traffic by blogging about more appealing topics. This does not mean memes.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18) - You know that potential new layout you were thinking of putting up? Good news - Madame has seen this layout in A Vision and can tell you it will be a success for your site. Don't delay, put it up today.

Pisces (February 19-March 20) - Have you checked your website in other browsers recently? Madame sees an incompatibility issue on Firefox.

Saturday 5th January 2008, 2.59pm

Site updates

Friday 4th January 2008, 8.26pm

Review 308 - Hannah of Creative Burst

You're offering a functional layout and quality presentation but there's more to it than that. Your content is the core of your site, and at the end of the day that's what makes your site memorable. You can have the cleanest, most accessible layout ever but if you've got nothing to offer inside of it, then people are going to exit the page and move on without a second thought.
Read more?

Friday 4th January 2008, 5.36pm

Politically unhinged

How are you fellow kiwis dealing with the increase of petrol prices? In most if not all parts of the country a litre of 91 is now costing $1.75, when up until today Shell and Mobil were charging $1.69. Caltex and BP of course were charging higher at $1.70 because they make their own pricing decisions based on their own costs instead. (So never go to BP or Caltex! They're f*ckers anyway, always the first to put their prices up and the last to put them back down.) Some people are converting to diesel, but I have my reservations about that. While diesel is obviously cheaper (although when I went to Aussie last year diesel cost more than petrol!) I have my reservations about converting because cars that aren't naturally diesel have different internal workings, and to put it simply they're just not MEANT for diesel. Anyway, conversion can be costly.

What with the increase in food prices as well, how are working class people supposed to cope with all of this when the Labour party refuse to do the logical thing and increase peoples' wages? New Zealand workers earn peanuts especially when compared to our trans-Tasman neighbours Australia. No wonder thousands of New Zealanders flee there each year in search for a better life. I generally tend to refer to these people as 'traitors' but deep down I do understand why they leave.

It is unlikely that Labour will get back in power after this years' election, but in the event that they did, New Zealand is surely headed for an economic crisis. National will be heavily relied upon to turn this country around again, and I'm eager to find out more about what it is exactly that John Key is standing for. What changes will he be making as Prime Minister? He's loosely suggested that the Kiwisaver scheme (you know, the one hardly anyones' signed up for) will be ammended, but what else?

Never mind the billion dollar surplus at the last budget, eh Labour? What happened to being the down to earth, working class party? I may not be a tax payer (under this kind of government I'm bloody glad I'm not) and I may not contribute to society in any way at all but I am a voter and that has to count for something. If I were an unemployment beneficiary I'd sound like a hypocrite right now complaining the source that essentially would pay me, but I have never been on the dole. I actually wanted to go on it a few years ago but my Mum and Nan kicked up a big stink about it saying I'd be the first in the family ever to go on a benefit and it'd bring about shame, blah blah blah...it's not worth the trouble for me especially when I don't actually need the money. No offense to anyone reading this who is on the dole for genuine reasons.

You'd better believe I'm counting the days till this years' election and that I'll be giving a gigantic tick next to National, who will get in by a landslide. Who cares that they fucked up the health system? That was eons ago - Labour have been in since 1999 and we've had enough, we need a change. What with Labour putting up the prices of bread, butter and milk and similar sundries, enforcing a bullshit anti-smacking bill and an equally bullshit carbon emissions tax (which will fuck up our #1 earner, tourism), it's no wonder people are crying out for change. Labour are purportedly also putting on a regional tax on petrol later in the year which should see prices rise to $2 a litre.

I'd get into politics myself and strive toward social and economic change, but I'm not prominent and/or university educated blah blah blah, and don't want to be, so I'll just continue whining about matters beyond my control. What can I say? I'm just acting like a typical New Zealander.

Thursday 3rd January 2008, 5.01pm

It's Baby PSGR!

Pictured below is me and my daughter Candii-Appyl. Sorry I didn't tell you about her sooner, she's the secret lovechild of, um, Prince Philip the Duke of Edinburgh...y'know the 80 something hubby of Queen Elizabeth. Sorry Lizzie, the truth had to come out sometime and I thought I'd wait till after the golden jubilee.

Resorting to putting up baby pics is a pretty sad and desperate practice, I know that. Howeverrr I should be back on later with some new updates. I'm pretty much working on those updates right now as well as hanging out on Bebo. (Add me?)

Wednesday 2nd January 2008, 6.29pm

Pixel practice - new layout

So I decided to try again with pixeling today and this is what I came up with. I wanted to add a flower in the strip above but I couldn't pixel one for shit. This is my second time with pixeling and ultimately I want to try and make myself a shit hot patch to join the Quilting Bee. I've always wanted to join and participate in all the activities but I think I need some additional practice first.

I'm actually quite pleased with how this layout has turned out - I'm by no means a hot shot pixelator but it's only my second time so who knows how things may look in the future. I see this layout as a change from the style of most of my former ones - I know this is cutesy but I'm still happy with it..I've been working on it for most of today, which makes a change from my last layout which took less than ten minutes to make. *cough*

Anyway, more news and reviews tomorrow, so see you later.

Tuesday January 1st 2008, 2.04 pm

Review 307 - Regina of Douteux.Net

How are you pronouncing Douteux? Unfortunately I'm not seeing any information about the name. What does it mean, even? I keep ignoring the second "U" and thinking it's "Doutex", which of course reminds me of Kotex. That's not necessarily an insult; if it wasn't for Kotex the state of womankind would be a bloody mess. (Bada boom.)
Read more?

Get linked at Fakexglitter

Hey guys...remember Anguish? Surprisingly the site still gets a few hits so I thought I'd keep it up and blog from time to time, in a sad way it's kind of fun, especially when people outside of PSGR believe she's a real person. Anyway, is anyone interested in having their link advertised on her sidebar? If you are, please e-mail me. (see sidebar for address.)

In case you weren't around a few months ago, Fakexglitter was an intentionally craptastic site that I created for fun, and I submitted it to certain review sites to see what they'd say about it. Unfortunately no one has reviewed me yet, although the site does get a few hits from the respective queues.

Tuesday January 1st 2008

Happy New Year!

^_^